La Fin de Lamaze

Last night was our final Lamaze class. It was a fun vibe, we started by watching a short movie featuring several vignettes of women breathing through labor pains over a new-age soundtrack laced with narration by a jovial female. Then we practiced pushing, which I am sad to say I was horrible at - I couldn't locate the correct muscles to push, particularly with so much baby in the way. We were to engage our stomach muscles, but I haven't been in touch with those since the baby took up residence in there, it was just really confusing and disappointing. Then we learned the pushing breathing pattern, which involves making a buzzing noise through almost closed lips as you exhale; again complete failure. I couldn't make the noise to save my life. So there I am, hunched over trying to locate the muscles to push down, floundering with my buzz-less exhalations which are making me feel like I'm going to pass out, and trying to focus on the inhalation and exhalation pattern as K is coaching me to relax and I just felt completely overwhelmed and incompetent, not such a good feeling to have so close to delivery. I tried not to let it get me down, and K knows me so well, he came right in with encouragement and told me that he thinks my labor is going to go quickly, detecting the wheels of defeat starting to spin in my head. We then continued a full review of the entire stages of labor and correct breathing responses. I redeemed myself by answering the most questions about transitional labor to the class' amazement (the most painful part of labor, right before you are fully dilated and ready to push), so I felt a little bit better - but then again, they aren't going to be conducting a quiz in the labor room. I just hope that once I am in labor, it will be obvious and natural what muscles I need to push, because the need to push will be there. And as for the buzz breathing, I've never seen anyone do it in any of the footage I've seen of labor, so maybe it's okay that I can't buzz (although the instructor did say that if you don't make the buzzing noise when you exhale, you can develop broken capillaries in the face and hemorrhoids). But in all honesty, I left the class feeling like natural childbirth may be beyond me (this is just how I felt) - I hate failing and I hate feeling incompetent, always have, and maybe I should just grab the epidural and cut down the odds of beating myself up, which can't be helpful when delivering. Or maybe I should just buck up and practice more - I tend to think, erroneously, that I should be able to get everything right on the first try! I guess the consolation is that in a little over 5 weeks, I'll be in labor and the anticipation, the guessing, the unknown will be over.