Lamaze Lament

K and I have just returned from our first Lamaze class and I am sitting here on the couch, eating some Chipotle while K is out walking Brooklyn, and I am crying, not full out sobbing, but welling up!! And I don't even know why! I don't know what in the world it was about the class that has changed my mood so drastically, but I am just a bit of an emotional wreck. The class was fine, a little crowded for the size of the room, which was a little hot and stuffy, but for some reason, I am feeling uptight. We did some exercises and during one, the teacher kept telling me to relax my shoulders, but after doing the show for so long, my shoulders don't really relax all that much, and that made me upset a little. During another exercise, we had to lie down on our backs, not for long since it isn't recommended during pregnancy, but it hurt my back to lie like that, and it was a relaxation exercise, so it was a little hard to relax when I was in pain, but then isn't that the point? My chest is a bit tight these days, so my breaths weren't as deep as they could have been. I don't know, I think I am a bit disappointed in my performance, I think that's what is going on. Which is silly, since K kept telling me afterwards that I did a great job! He was great, totally supportive and reassuring me throughout the class. Maybe the class has made the upcoming delivery all the more real and I am owning up to the fact that I am really anxious about the pain and that I am not even sure that I will be able to keep my composure and state of mind well enough to remember to do all the breaths and relaxation techniques. There is a part of me that just wants to go into the hospital and be taken care of, let them do all the work, just let me know when the baby is here, okay? I know that's not possible or realistic, but the way my brain works, I sometimes feel like the less I know, the better for me, because I will drive myself crazy with "what ifs" and completely unnecessary worry. However, I am going to stick with it, stay positive and strong, it could just be that I am really tired tonight and hormonal. There were two young couples next to us who just kept talking and cracking jokes under their breaths and it was so annoying, High School Musical. But I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to be that older, cranky woman scolding them, nothing wrong with having fun during class, I guess. We'll probably find alternative seating next week. Tune in for next week's class...