Show and Tell

Here's the latest pic, 17 weeks and counting!

Counting The Days

I am completely obsessed with this pregnancy and feel like I'm living in "waiting" mode - waiting for the day I get to meet my son in person. I'm like an addict trying to hang in there until my next fix, anxious for my next doctor's visit, or my next ultrasound, releasing an almost audible sigh of relief when my next visit is under a week's time. I have to remember that I am still me (well, a new version of me) and I still have to live, but I can't even concentrate on things I usually enjoy doing - reading novels, learning languages, practicing drums. I am reading my baby books more and more each day, watching baby programs on the TV (I am a little obsessed with "Jon & Kate Plus 8" on TLC). I know I should relish this personal time left to me before the baby arrives, but I guess, as I read in my new favorite pregnancy book, From The Hips (written by a fellow Vassar grad), I've already changed, this present time is no longer like the time before and won't be like the time ahead, so the idea that I should hold on to my past lifestyle so dearly and desperately before the baby has made his entrance into our glorious world is moot - my past lifestyle is already a "thing of the past" (hey, I'm not performing! That's a BIG change), life is in flux.

Going back to my aforementioned new favorite pregnancy book, From The Hips is a refreshingly candid collection of information and personal accounts regarding pregnancy and new parenthood that I am loving. An engaging read that validates the idea of pregnancy and parenting as completely individual ventures and what is right is what is right FOR YOU. Totally empowering. Check it out: From The Hips

Early Registration

I've started my registry (which I am keeping to myself for now so that I can go through everything and edit before making it public) and let me tell you - it is overwhelming! I guess it is good that I start now, so that I can take my time and can comfortably limit myself to selecting 2 or 3 items per visit in the next couple of months. There's all the research I still have to do about products and product safety, opinions I'd like to get from friends and family, decisions I have to make about whether we'll have a proper nursery or not (and whether we'll be in the same apartment or move). But you know, when all's said and done, I welcome it all with open arms!!

Make Room For Doggy

Brooklyn, who is nothing but Love with a capital "L", has begun to exhibit signs of jealousy, although jealousy implies less-than-perfect character, and I like to think of Brooklyn as more self-less than that, but maybe in the end...we've just spoiled her. So, whenever K hugs and kisses me, Brooklyn starts to huff and whine and paw at us, and jumps on our laps so that she can get in on the loving. Today, I was sitting in K's studio, and he proceeded to kiss my stomach, which of course caused protest from Brooklyn. She then jumped up right next to me and started randomly licking whatever she could get her tongue on (K's arm, K's face, my stomach) and then she ended up in the same position as me, with her stomach exposed, as if it were now her turn to get some belly loving! She is quite the character!

Baby Face

I had a dream the other night that I had an ultrasound machine all to myself, it was probably in my home, and it was so powerful that all I had to do was point it at my stomach and the image of my baby instantly popped up. And I could see the face, which was wild because in my waking life, I just find it challenging to picture my face on a boy (well, my brother perhaps) and because I can't wait to see how my features and K's features will combine to create this new person! In the dream, the baby was around my complexion and had K's features (and Brooklyn's smile - KIDDING). Anyway, what was funny about the dream is that the baby was fully clothed in coordinating knits (maybe because he is due in December?): a cute matching sweater and hat, white background with maroon and orange thin stripes, very adorable (and fashionable, I might add). And then of course, the dream got weird, and the image started changing into a cartoon baby boy and then I woke up.

The baby name search has begun. The baby will more than likely not have a traditional American name (whatever that means???). We've been scouring lists of African, Hindu/Indian, Japanese and Native American names, and there are two or three we are considering already. There are so many names, it gets exhausting. But we've got time. The baby's make-believe name right now is Kane (KAH-neh: it means Male in Hawaiian) - the women at work had taken to calling the baby Kiki because they were certain it was a girl. So now the baby is called Kane. Not a bad name actually, maybe it will go on the list.

Food For Thought

People ask me a lot about whether or not I've had strange cravings yet. I can't say I've had STRANGE cravings - I did delve into a tin of sardines around my 5th week, not so much because I was craving them, but they did sound good at the time, and I do like sardines, and maybe there was a part of me that wanted to fulfill the stereotype of the pregnancy palate. And I haven't wanted sardines since then. For two weeks early on, all I wanted was tomato sauce and cheese, hence my diet consisted of slices of pizza and bowls of pasta, with frightening regularity. And there was nothing better than a grilled cheese sandwich to keep the nausea at bay (I ate them everyday for maybe a month, sometimes twice a day). Then for a time, I just wanted rice and beans. This was also around the time that I swore off meat, just couldn't stand the idea of it. Next, I was really into hamburgers (got back into beef and turkey, still a little iffy about chicken to this day). Now I am really into enchiladas and tacos (and I could still wolf down a nice burger if you put it in front of me). The one constant in my food cravings has been cheese - I eat cheese, I am happy. I did go through a two week period of wanting sushi really badly. Pre-pregnancy, I wasn't a big "raw fish" sushi eater, I usually only ate eel sushi. But just to be safe, I've only eaten avocado sushi since being pregnant. There was also a strong craving for guacamole (thanks Xing Lao for your recipe, I've made it three times!!!). I did want Chicken Lo-Mein one night. See, I guess it isn't so much cravings for weird things, but some nights/days, I just know exactly what I want to eat, it will be specific, and usually something I'd enjoy whether I was pregnant or not. And I have to say, that is the most fulfilling dining experience, when you know what you want and then you get to indulge (mmm...like my Triple Caramel Ben & Jerry's Shake last month!). I am now craving macaroni and cheese and my friend has kindly offered to make it for me, TONIGHT!!! I get by with a little help from my friends!

For more pregnancy cartoons, organized by pregnancy week, go to baby-gaga.com

Spreading Out

I am thoroughly enjoying the growth of my belly. I wear it as a badge of honor and I find myself passing over the recently purchased and neatly arranged L sized T-shirts in my dresser in favor of my shrinking selection of M sized shirts, so that there can be no mistaking that I am in fact pregnant. I have found a wonderful double use for my black hair elastics - they now keep my jeans closed. I looked in the mirror tonight and was astonished to see that my belly is not only growing rounder but also wider, and I am spilling out to the sides. And I keep telling myself this is only the beginning. I began to wonder what is going to happen to my muscles now that I am not performing - maybe I'll do very light-weight bicep curls to keep some kind of musculature, and perhaps I should start using the indoor treadmill (because today I walked Brooklyn outside in the early afternoon, and it felt like I was in a sauna!!). Or perhaps I should get myself prepared for a future of early mornings and get up and take nice walks outside when I wake up before it gets too hot. Uh, yeh, right, because I was such an exercise buff before the pregnancy (NOT). Eating ginger snaps on the couch in front of the TV is paradise right now. The last couple of days I've been so TIRED!! Not necessarily sleepy but just fatigued. Today all I did was sleep, me and Brooklyn, who by the way was licking my stomach the other day. It could have been residual ultrasound gel that I accidentally missed in the shower, but I like to think that she was kissing the baby. She stays by my side even more than before, and when she settles down next to me, she's been laying her head on my stomach. I know she knows there's a little person in there.

Pregnant With Joy

Today, I am 15 weeks pregnant, ecstatic, and feeling less anxious with worry than I did during the first trimester. And now that I have moved into my second trimester, I feel more comfortable with the idea of writing about this journey. And I understand that keeping an updated blog may be an ambitious undertaking, what with the fatigue and preparations involved in pregnancy, but I will give it my best shot.

Being a mother, and being pregnant, is really something that I have known I've wanted since I was about six years old. It was at this age, while holding my not-yet-one-year-old cousin Tracy, that I realized that I loved babies (one of the benefits of being the oldest granddaughter on my Father's side). There were enough years in age between us, that I could fully marvel at the difference between being a baby and being a little girl past her toddler stage. I was the kid putting pillows under my shirt and admiring my make-believe maternal figure in the mirror, looking forward to the day when the pretend would be real. I was the teen fascinated with family heirlooms and history, daydreaming about the day when I would pass everything down to my children (and hopefully they would share my excitement about our genealogy). I was the girl who had baby names already planned out, names that changed as trends changed (or maybe as I changed). And so now I am so very happy that the pretend and the daydreams can be realized.

As for a more physiological update, I am still tired, I am achy sometimes, I still get waves of nausea, although it is nothing like it was in those first weeks when the nausea was constant and lasted all day long (who came up with "morning" sickness anyway?), and my belly is showing, which is so much fun to watch. And the latest news is that we are having a BOY (my stepsons were hoping for a little brother)!!! My sleep is a little erratic, I can't seem to keep my mind quiet when I toss early in the morning and teeter on the edge of either making it an early day or falling back into blissful slumber, forcing me to get up out of bed. And forcing me to take naps at really strange hours. I have stopped performing, but I will be able to continue working as the Assistant Rehearsal Director, which is very fortunate. And I think that about covers it for now. I feel a wave of sleep pouring over me now - I must get all the sleep I can now!!