La Fin de Lamaze

Last night was our final Lamaze class. It was a fun vibe, we started by watching a short movie featuring several vignettes of women breathing through labor pains over a new-age soundtrack laced with narration by a jovial female. Then we practiced pushing, which I am sad to say I was horrible at - I couldn't locate the correct muscles to push, particularly with so much baby in the way. We were to engage our stomach muscles, but I haven't been in touch with those since the baby took up residence in there, it was just really confusing and disappointing. Then we learned the pushing breathing pattern, which involves making a buzzing noise through almost closed lips as you exhale; again complete failure. I couldn't make the noise to save my life. So there I am, hunched over trying to locate the muscles to push down, floundering with my buzz-less exhalations which are making me feel like I'm going to pass out, and trying to focus on the inhalation and exhalation pattern as K is coaching me to relax and I just felt completely overwhelmed and incompetent, not such a good feeling to have so close to delivery. I tried not to let it get me down, and K knows me so well, he came right in with encouragement and told me that he thinks my labor is going to go quickly, detecting the wheels of defeat starting to spin in my head. We then continued a full review of the entire stages of labor and correct breathing responses. I redeemed myself by answering the most questions about transitional labor to the class' amazement (the most painful part of labor, right before you are fully dilated and ready to push), so I felt a little bit better - but then again, they aren't going to be conducting a quiz in the labor room. I just hope that once I am in labor, it will be obvious and natural what muscles I need to push, because the need to push will be there. And as for the buzz breathing, I've never seen anyone do it in any of the footage I've seen of labor, so maybe it's okay that I can't buzz (although the instructor did say that if you don't make the buzzing noise when you exhale, you can develop broken capillaries in the face and hemorrhoids). But in all honesty, I left the class feeling like natural childbirth may be beyond me (this is just how I felt) - I hate failing and I hate feeling incompetent, always have, and maybe I should just grab the epidural and cut down the odds of beating myself up, which can't be helpful when delivering. Or maybe I should just buck up and practice more - I tend to think, erroneously, that I should be able to get everything right on the first try! I guess the consolation is that in a little over 5 weeks, I'll be in labor and the anticipation, the guessing, the unknown will be over.

La More Lamaze

K and I finished our third class of Lamaze - one more to go. We practiced different breathing techniques, different positions to combat back pain during labor, and learned more about what we may encounter from labor to delivery and beyond. It is a little hard to keep my head and attention about me, I am just so excited, and there is just so much information to absorb. Especially after taking so many classes back to back. There is some crossover of information, which helps to reinforce some points, but still, it is a lot. And I don't know how much I'll remember when the time comes; I don't think I'll be pulling out my notes during contractions! I am sure that natural instinct will kick in and my memory will squeeze out facts that I didn't realize I had retained. I just get nervous that once I am labor and I am trying to breathe and remember the patterns, that it will be too overwhelming and I'll throw it all out the window and not be able to focus, what with both the pain and excitement. I hope I can keep my wits about me to just stay in control and concentrate.

Lamaze Continued

K and I had our second Lamaze class yesterday, and I felt much better about it than I did the first week. I was a little more relaxed (although more exhausted) and the general energy in the room was a little more upbeat. We came in (a little late AGAIN) during an exercise in which we all had stickers put on our backs with a pregnancy related word, and our partner was allowed to see the word, and then we had to figure out what the word was by asking our partner questions about the word. I couldn't guess my word until K told me to think about birds ("nesting"). K was a wonderful partner again as we breathed through exercises and learned different relaxation positions. We had to bring a focal point for concentration during breathing and I brought one of the 4D ultrasounds of the baby, which made me very excited. And there was a cool exercise where our partner had to simulate the pain of a contraction by grabbing our thigh right above our knee as hard as he/she could while we were doing our breathing and exhalations. Once we finished that simulation exercise, the teacher asked our partners to squeeze our thighs as hard as he/she was during the simulation, and it was amazing how much more it hurt after the exercise, when we weren't concentrating on breathing, than it did during the simulation. It was her way of showing us how focused breathing and relaxation lessens the pain. I was sold. I've started reading The Official Lamaze Guide, which so far is really interesting. The intro tells of how pregnancy shifted from the home to hospitals, and how midwives (many of whom were ethnic minorities) and home births were demonized and how the more wealthy went to hospitals dominated mostly by males. That's about as far as I got. More to come...

Lamaze Lament

K and I have just returned from our first Lamaze class and I am sitting here on the couch, eating some Chipotle while K is out walking Brooklyn, and I am crying, not full out sobbing, but welling up!! And I don't even know why! I don't know what in the world it was about the class that has changed my mood so drastically, but I am just a bit of an emotional wreck. The class was fine, a little crowded for the size of the room, which was a little hot and stuffy, but for some reason, I am feeling uptight. We did some exercises and during one, the teacher kept telling me to relax my shoulders, but after doing the show for so long, my shoulders don't really relax all that much, and that made me upset a little. During another exercise, we had to lie down on our backs, not for long since it isn't recommended during pregnancy, but it hurt my back to lie like that, and it was a relaxation exercise, so it was a little hard to relax when I was in pain, but then isn't that the point? My chest is a bit tight these days, so my breaths weren't as deep as they could have been. I don't know, I think I am a bit disappointed in my performance, I think that's what is going on. Which is silly, since K kept telling me afterwards that I did a great job! He was great, totally supportive and reassuring me throughout the class. Maybe the class has made the upcoming delivery all the more real and I am owning up to the fact that I am really anxious about the pain and that I am not even sure that I will be able to keep my composure and state of mind well enough to remember to do all the breaths and relaxation techniques. There is a part of me that just wants to go into the hospital and be taken care of, let them do all the work, just let me know when the baby is here, okay? I know that's not possible or realistic, but the way my brain works, I sometimes feel like the less I know, the better for me, because I will drive myself crazy with "what ifs" and completely unnecessary worry. However, I am going to stick with it, stay positive and strong, it could just be that I am really tired tonight and hormonal. There were two young couples next to us who just kept talking and cracking jokes under their breaths and it was so annoying, High School Musical. But I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to be that older, cranky woman scolding them, nothing wrong with having fun during class, I guess. We'll probably find alternative seating next week. Tune in for next week's class...