La Fin de Lamaze

Last night was our final Lamaze class. It was a fun vibe, we started by watching a short movie featuring several vignettes of women breathing through labor pains over a new-age soundtrack laced with narration by a jovial female. Then we practiced pushing, which I am sad to say I was horrible at - I couldn't locate the correct muscles to push, particularly with so much baby in the way. We were to engage our stomach muscles, but I haven't been in touch with those since the baby took up residence in there, it was just really confusing and disappointing. Then we learned the pushing breathing pattern, which involves making a buzzing noise through almost closed lips as you exhale; again complete failure. I couldn't make the noise to save my life. So there I am, hunched over trying to locate the muscles to push down, floundering with my buzz-less exhalations which are making me feel like I'm going to pass out, and trying to focus on the inhalation and exhalation pattern as K is coaching me to relax and I just felt completely overwhelmed and incompetent, not such a good feeling to have so close to delivery. I tried not to let it get me down, and K knows me so well, he came right in with encouragement and told me that he thinks my labor is going to go quickly, detecting the wheels of defeat starting to spin in my head. We then continued a full review of the entire stages of labor and correct breathing responses. I redeemed myself by answering the most questions about transitional labor to the class' amazement (the most painful part of labor, right before you are fully dilated and ready to push), so I felt a little bit better - but then again, they aren't going to be conducting a quiz in the labor room. I just hope that once I am in labor, it will be obvious and natural what muscles I need to push, because the need to push will be there. And as for the buzz breathing, I've never seen anyone do it in any of the footage I've seen of labor, so maybe it's okay that I can't buzz (although the instructor did say that if you don't make the buzzing noise when you exhale, you can develop broken capillaries in the face and hemorrhoids). But in all honesty, I left the class feeling like natural childbirth may be beyond me (this is just how I felt) - I hate failing and I hate feeling incompetent, always have, and maybe I should just grab the epidural and cut down the odds of beating myself up, which can't be helpful when delivering. Or maybe I should just buck up and practice more - I tend to think, erroneously, that I should be able to get everything right on the first try! I guess the consolation is that in a little over 5 weeks, I'll be in labor and the anticipation, the guessing, the unknown will be over.

Poladroid Madness

My friend mentions this Poladroid site on her blog Marvelous Kiddo and it sounded like so much fun, I had to check it out, and you should too. On this site, you can download the FREE Poladroid Software which allows you to convert your digital photos into Polaroid simulations (i.e. "polaDROIDS")! It is addictive and fun, as you can see. Again, completely unrelated to pregnancy, but I had to include it just for kicks!

Lazy-Boy

I am so excited because two days ago, K and I found a wonderful, comfy reclining armchair that also rocks - which is exactly what I wanted for baby feedings! I was told by my parent friends that a comfortable chair is an important and worthy new-baby purchase - there are many things that you don't necessarily need, but the chair is a good buy. The best thing about the purchase is that K and I were able to use a store credit that we had been saving up for over a year from when we moved into our current apartment. So the chair was bought at a ridiculously reduced price! Hooray!

I've been feeling really anxious the past day or two because there are a little less than 6 weeks left until my due date and still so much I want to get done. It won't take long to get it done, but it still occupies my mind. The good thing is that the past two days, I've been feeling less fatigued, so perhaps that will help.

It's A Baby Shower

Yesterday was our Baby Shower, and it was absolutely WONDERFUL!!! Thank you so much EDB for your amazing planning, hosting and execution - we had a blast. Thank you LW for all your help as well. And really, thank you everyone for your love and support and presence and presents and for sharing in our special day!! There was amazing food, fun games with prizes ("Guess The Belly Circumference", "Name That Tune"), a onesie and bib painting station, dogs playing (Brooklyn was POOPED by the end!), adorable kids, and just a chill family vibe. The walls were decorated with pictures of me taken by our host from the time I was about 8 weeks pregnant up until the present - so wild to see the transformation. And I laugh at the weeks where I thought I was big! Little did I know how much bigger I'd get. Yes, a wonderful time was truly had by all!

La More Lamaze

K and I finished our third class of Lamaze - one more to go. We practiced different breathing techniques, different positions to combat back pain during labor, and learned more about what we may encounter from labor to delivery and beyond. It is a little hard to keep my head and attention about me, I am just so excited, and there is just so much information to absorb. Especially after taking so many classes back to back. There is some crossover of information, which helps to reinforce some points, but still, it is a lot. And I don't know how much I'll remember when the time comes; I don't think I'll be pulling out my notes during contractions! I am sure that natural instinct will kick in and my memory will squeeze out facts that I didn't realize I had retained. I just get nervous that once I am labor and I am trying to breathe and remember the patterns, that it will be too overwhelming and I'll throw it all out the window and not be able to focus, what with both the pain and excitement. I hope I can keep my wits about me to just stay in control and concentrate.

Preparatory Measures

Lately my head has been swarmed with so many things that I would like to accomplish before the baby arrives, and it is overwhelming. The things separately aren't too taxing, but the accumulative effect feels daunting. So, I had to get everything out of my head and onto paper, so that I can keep a grasp and actually check things off as they get accomplished.

One of my "projects" is to gather necessary baby items that will be needed in those early days - diapers, ointment, baby oil, nasal syringe, pacifiers, etc. And it was so surreal being in the baby aisle in the store and knowing that I was buying these things for MY baby. I've only been in that aisle on my way elsewhere. It was really a defining moment.

I stepped up my Brooklyn prep a bit yesterday. I downloaded more baby sounds (not just crying) and played them all on a loop for hours so that we could both get used to them. And I continued to watch TV over the crying, since I imagine that there will be other noise in the house when the baby cries, just so Brooklyn can get an idea of what to expect. She seemed fine. I then held a towel wrapped up in a shirt to simulate a baby and walked around all night holding it. I packed the end of the shirt in a newborn-sized diaper (I couldn't believe how small and cute the diaper is), and I rubbed baby lotion all over the diaper, so that Brooklyn can start getting used to the smell. I also rubbed baby oil on me for scenting purposes. What did Brooklyn think? She LICKED the diaper and me - great, Brooklyn is going to be licking the baby! I also reviewed commands with her. She's not good at "OFF", not sure how to get that one solid in the next 6 weeks. Everything else she was pretty good at.

My belly cast sits waiting for attention - another "project" waiting to be fulfilled. When all is said and done, it will get done. And if it doesn't, I don't think the baby will mind!

Vote For Brooklyn

I know this has nothing to do with my pregnancy, but I just entered Brooklyn in a photo contest and if you click on the photo below, I believe you will be redirected to the site where you can vote for her. I don't even know what the prize is!! Oh, man, if I am like this with my dog, just imagine what my son has in store!!

Husband Of The Year

I just wanted to take a moment to publicly appreciate my husband. He has been so supportive and so kind - and the moment I want to particularly highlight is when, a couple of nights ago, he massaged and lotioned up my feet and then proceeded to cut my toe nails! Which is going the extra mile folks, because I hadn't been able to reach my toe nails for a couple of weeks now. It was getting to the point where you couldn't tell who was walking on the wood floor in the living room, me or Brooklyn! What a guy! I love you K!

Baby Basics

K and I took our last Saturday morning class (hooray!) yesterday, called Baby Basics. It was taught by the same instructor of our Infant CPR class, 79 year-young RN, Shirley. And I just love this woman! She was so down to earth and amusing, and amused too - you can tell she loves what she does. And it is just so cool to get the perspective of someone who came from a time when information wasn't as readily available as it is now (sometimes too much info if you ask me) and so new mothers really had to rely on maternal instinct and common sense. You feel like she is part of a frontline of mothers who can then pass on their experiences to us. And I did learn a lot. Poor K was SO EXHAUSTED, he was trying to keep his eyes open, and unfortunately, because we were late (surprise, surprise - only 4 mins), we ended up having to sit up front and center. With our record of lateness, I wouldn't be surprised if, as a joke, our son came early (but not too early)!! Or maybe he'll take after his parents and come late (not too late)!!

Belly Love

8 months (32 1/2 weeks).

Lamaze Continued

K and I had our second Lamaze class yesterday, and I felt much better about it than I did the first week. I was a little more relaxed (although more exhausted) and the general energy in the room was a little more upbeat. We came in (a little late AGAIN) during an exercise in which we all had stickers put on our backs with a pregnancy related word, and our partner was allowed to see the word, and then we had to figure out what the word was by asking our partner questions about the word. I couldn't guess my word until K told me to think about birds ("nesting"). K was a wonderful partner again as we breathed through exercises and learned different relaxation positions. We had to bring a focal point for concentration during breathing and I brought one of the 4D ultrasounds of the baby, which made me very excited. And there was a cool exercise where our partner had to simulate the pain of a contraction by grabbing our thigh right above our knee as hard as he/she could while we were doing our breathing and exhalations. Once we finished that simulation exercise, the teacher asked our partners to squeeze our thighs as hard as he/she was during the simulation, and it was amazing how much more it hurt after the exercise, when we weren't concentrating on breathing, than it did during the simulation. It was her way of showing us how focused breathing and relaxation lessens the pain. I was sold. I've started reading The Official Lamaze Guide, which so far is really interesting. The intro tells of how pregnancy shifted from the home to hospitals, and how midwives (many of whom were ethnic minorities) and home births were demonized and how the more wealthy went to hospitals dominated mostly by males. That's about as far as I got. More to come...

Breathe And Relax

Yesterday, K and I took a marathon, 8-hour class entitled Prepared Childbirth. The instructor was great, upbeat, funny, honest, which helped because about 2 hours in, K and I were both ready to take a nap. It was truly a struggle to keep my eyes open during the afternoon portion, after lunch. The class took us through labor step-by-step from the house to the hospital and all the way to purchasing car seats. We also did some breathing and relaxation exercises. I see a theme developing among all these classes: BREATHE AND RELAX. I guess that's the key.

You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman

So, this evening, I ventured alone (because K had to work) to a Natural Childbirth class. I wanted to go specifically to arm myself with as many birthing options as possible, to learn about the full spectrum of pain management, so that I can feel as prepared as I possibly can be going into the unknown of labor. I had to take a highway that I don't often take, let alone by myself, and get off in an area of town that I was completely unfamiliar with, and I DID IT!!! What a difference from when I first moved out here. But I digress...

So, the class was designed by and scheduled to be taught by a doula who, unfortunately for us, was called to a birth. So we had a substitute teacher, another certified doula, although she doesn't practice anymore, who also is a lactation specialist. And she was pleasant enough, even humorously entertaining at times, and pretty sweet. However, it was clear that she was filling in, as she was zipping through the slides and reading from a syllabus. At one point she even exclaimed as she was looking at a slide, "I don't know what that is! Oh, maybe it is this in here," which is fine, and even endearing, but it made me wonder if we were getting the full deal that we had registered and paid for. And it bothered me that she preferred to use the words "poopy" and "potty" in a squeaky voice, rather than using adult words in adult tones. I'm thinking, here we are talking about pushing a human baby through our body, no need to airbrush anything. There was one point in the class when I got really anxious and really antsy, a little like at the Lamaze class, and I'm not sure if it was an internal emotional reaction, or completely external on account of the room being too toasty and me being really tired. But I caught a second wind. Since I was alone, she pulled me up out of my seat during the physical exercise demonstration portion of class and told me that she was going to be my partner. And we went through some of the exercises designed to help one relax as much as one can during labor. She even asked if I meditate regularly because I was so concentrated on my breathing - that made me feel better (I guess I am a glutton for praise - maybe I'm feeling vulnerable). And I have to say that after the class, the pain of labor and the concept of managing it without medication doesn't seem as foreign and devastating as it did to me before the class. But, as I've said before, I am going to just stay open and see how it all goes, try to stay in the moment, and just go from there.

40 Years Young

Today I turned 40! And you know what...it feels GREAT! And it was a wonderful birthday filled with so much love from EVERYONE - my wonderful husband, wonderful family, wonderful friends, wonderful dog. And to be able to share my 40th with my wonderful baby boy in my womb, a blessing - I am truly blessed all around! I am very happy and very grateful!

Casting Session

K and I did my belly cast today! Hooray! It was lots of fun, especially for me since all I had to do was sit there; K did all the casting work. It was a nice way to share in something special, something that will commemorate this special time in our life together. And I cannot wait to paint and decorate it!! Not sure yet what I am going to do, I am going to sketch out a few ideas and just see what sticks.

Lamaze Lament

K and I have just returned from our first Lamaze class and I am sitting here on the couch, eating some Chipotle while K is out walking Brooklyn, and I am crying, not full out sobbing, but welling up!! And I don't even know why! I don't know what in the world it was about the class that has changed my mood so drastically, but I am just a bit of an emotional wreck. The class was fine, a little crowded for the size of the room, which was a little hot and stuffy, but for some reason, I am feeling uptight. We did some exercises and during one, the teacher kept telling me to relax my shoulders, but after doing the show for so long, my shoulders don't really relax all that much, and that made me upset a little. During another exercise, we had to lie down on our backs, not for long since it isn't recommended during pregnancy, but it hurt my back to lie like that, and it was a relaxation exercise, so it was a little hard to relax when I was in pain, but then isn't that the point? My chest is a bit tight these days, so my breaths weren't as deep as they could have been. I don't know, I think I am a bit disappointed in my performance, I think that's what is going on. Which is silly, since K kept telling me afterwards that I did a great job! He was great, totally supportive and reassuring me throughout the class. Maybe the class has made the upcoming delivery all the more real and I am owning up to the fact that I am really anxious about the pain and that I am not even sure that I will be able to keep my composure and state of mind well enough to remember to do all the breaths and relaxation techniques. There is a part of me that just wants to go into the hospital and be taken care of, let them do all the work, just let me know when the baby is here, okay? I know that's not possible or realistic, but the way my brain works, I sometimes feel like the less I know, the better for me, because I will drive myself crazy with "what ifs" and completely unnecessary worry. However, I am going to stick with it, stay positive and strong, it could just be that I am really tired tonight and hormonal. There were two young couples next to us who just kept talking and cracking jokes under their breaths and it was so annoying, High School Musical. But I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to be that older, cranky woman scolding them, nothing wrong with having fun during class, I guess. We'll probably find alternative seating next week. Tune in for next week's class...

Hokey Pokey

I was sitting in the car yesterday, K and I on our way to work, and I don't remember exactly why I was was touching my stomach, maybe to scratch it, but I felt a hard bump jut out and then disappear into my tummy. And then it poked my hand again and then snuck back in under the surface. It was the wildest thing, because it was the first time that I could actually feel the baby from the outside. I don't know if it was a foot or an arm, but it was the first moment of tangible contact. And it was thrilling!!!

Baby Breaths

Over the weekend, K and I officially began our pregnancy instruction with a two-hour class on Infant CPR, which was so informative. It took us forever to find the correct building - since the pregnancy, my attention to detail, particularly when traveling, has been slightly impaired, and all I had was an address for the building but no name of the building and no number to call. We wandered around the hospital halls for at least 10 minutes before being redirected to a building across the street. Once we parked at the correct building, we couldn't find the correct entrance to the building!! YIKES! Finally, we arrived in the classroom 15 minutes late, with about 7 other couples and a friendly, white-haired female instructor greeting us.

The instructor was 79 year-old nurse, Shirley. She was a wonderful instructor. I took great comfort in her no-nonsense approach and her candid recollections of motherhood over the course of almost 60 years. There was something reassuring about getting motherhood tips and anecdotes from an older woman, a great-grandmother at that. She talked about things that she did with her children that aren't done today anymore, because in her days of parenting, less was known - sleeping the babies on their stomachs, how her kids fell out of the cribs, etc. And yet, her children are all fine. That calmed me down some, because I tell you, first-time pregnancy comes with so many rules about what not to do, what not to eat, it just gets me so razzled sometimes. It takes me so long to prepare a meal because I am not sure if I can eat something, not to mention how badly my OCD has kicked in.

The class was great at giving us an increased sense of having some control in a bad situation. It was also a little scary, because you don't want to be in a situation where you need to use CPR on ANYONE, really. But still, having the basic know-how of what to do is reassuring. We had the fake babies (they should make them multi-racial!) with plastic wrap around their mouths, so as not to spread germs among the hundreds of parents-to-be who've rescued the little plastic victims. We had to learn compression points, how to compress the chest properly so that the heart squeezes against the spine, forcing oxygenated blood to the brain and back to the heart, we learned how to give the baby rescue breaths. We learned what to do when the baby is choking (the CPR is if the baby is unconscious). Shirley choked when she was 7 years old, and 72 years later, the event still traumatizes her. This is also why when she was a new mother, she never put her babies on their back, because she was afraid of them choking. She admits that experts still don't know exactly what causes SIDS, but that when studies were conducted among countries where it is customary for babies to sleep on their backs, the incidences of SIDS were much less than they are in the US. They also can tell now, by looking at the brain post-mortum, if an infant death is caused by suffocation or by SIDS; apparently the effect on the brain is different. However, more than that is unknown.

We snacked on chocolate cookies with bright orange filling, to bring in the Halloween spirit, in between rounds of practice resuscitation. It was a great class and the two hours (well more like 90 minutes since we arrived late and class ended a little early) went by very quickly. I would recommend CPR class for everyone, pregnant or not, and all types of CPR: Infant, Children, and Adult (apparently, the infant CPR techinique is only for babies up to 1 year old).

Face Lift

So, as you can see, I've updated my blog background, thanks to a great site, "The Cutest Blog on the Block", that I found on a great blog, "w/ Love, Sincerely", that I found on my friend's great blog, "Marvelous Kiddo". Check out the "Cutest Blog on the Block" for adorable, FREE blog backgrounds! (I believe there's also a link in the upper left corner of my background now). I've also added a photo slideshow widget to show my tummy growth (my friend DB has a more extensive tummy photo timeline and Xing has the nose photo timeline, thank you both). The slideshow is courtesy of goodwidgets.com (thank you LPA for the knowledge!!). Enjoy!

Body Update

So, lately my stomach feels like it actually touches my chin. Okay, not actually, but I am feeling fuller up higher than I remember, and it feels like my boobs are resting against the top of my belly now (just about). My friend noticed that my stomach does look higher. I haven't experienced magnanimous breast growth, as I was warned - and secretly hoped for : ). They are a bit bigger, but nothing to write home about. I am enjoying the baby's movements, which are more visible now from the outside - last night it looked like my whole stomach did a whirly gig. A good night's sleep seems to evade me, which is probably part of Mother Nature's plan to get me prepared for interrupted sleep when the baby arrives. It is just not that comfortable to sleep these days, and I toss from one side to the other - well, not really toss, more like roll, slowly, with the stomach weight. For some reason, sleeping on my left side, which is the most recommended side for pregnancy slumber, causes a cramp right under my left ribs, and sleeping on my right side causes my calves and my hip to seize up. Last night the baby woke me up with his kicking, and I think it was because I was pressing up against him on my belly, maybe I was too far forward and more on my belly than my side, I don't know, it's hard to control sleeping positions when you are asleep! I cannot even believe that I am two months away, give or take, from meeting my son! And there's still so much to do!!! LOL!